Being Happy - Andrew Matthews

Hi,

It's another round of book review of a classic self help handbook. The book is called Being Happy. Can anyone wondered why doesn't called it Be Happy ? Perhaps the book is about action and not just theory ? I guess so. The book was the international bestseller first introduced in 1988. The version that I've bought is the 57th reprint by the printer. Based on the number of reprints, you know how bestselling the book be.

The book have 6 chapters with various topics in improving your confidence and security. There were a lot of illustrations accompanying each topic drawn by the author. On each topic, there was a summary called nutshells for you to capture the gist of it.

Some important nutshells

Patterns
Patterns - be positive on yourself and condition
Self image - Think healthy, happy thoughts. Decide to be healthy, be gentle on yourself. Accept and love and acknowledge yourself about what you are (The decision you've done is the best available by yourself)
Pain - cause us to contemplate (change direction)
We become a part of our everyday world - consider seriously changing what surrounds you to be something you want to be
Prosperity - Money mindset that prevents us from becoming wealthy (More of this can be found from Millionaire's Mindset title)

Living in the now
Live, Now - Present moment is the only time you have. Live in the now.
Waiting for things - jump into every oppurtunity.
Forgiveness - Blaming and feeling guilty are equally dangerous and destructive. You may hiding something within yourself and not curing it
Happiness - Can be hard work, you've got to hang on to your treasures and throw out the garbage. Choose what you see and choose what you think.
Dealing with depression - Disaster won't be disastrous if we tackle them one at a time.
Humor - Life is not THAT serious. Let's take humor more seriously
We gravitate in the direction of our dominant thoughts - Law of attraction before THE SECRET

Your mind
Your Subconscious - Daily, we create programmes in subconscious mind. Use like what all successful and happy people people used. If you want to be wealthy, picture those success and prosperity of the ideal result.
Imagination - Exercise your imagination just like your body to have a sharp/witty mind
Mental rehearsal - Create pattern on brain cell for perfect performance. Imagine the best result you want. Make a habit of refining your abilities through imagination.
We get what we expect - You're in control. You decide what you think, put in your mind and what you get back
Listen to those whose lives are working - Mind is like magnet. Continue to dwell on What you want and you'll achieve it. Seen this in most Jack Canfield book
The power of words - Our words affect how we think and how we feel. What we think affect what we say and how we feel and How we feel influences what we say and how we think. It's a vicious cycle and learn to interrupt that
An attitude of gratitude - Our attention is on what we want. As we set our living grateful on what we have, more good will be coming

Goals
Goals - Goals are the vehicles whereby we can become someone more than we already are
Limitations - Our limitations are our responsibilities
Problems - It stretches us. Adversity reveals genius while prosperity conceals it.
Mistakes - Mistakes are not really mistakes. It's part of the learning process. Shame is never in having failed, worse is when not even tried
The law of sow and reap - Universe is fair and just. We get back from life only what we put into it.
Risk - We have a choice. It's between really living or merely existing. Life is a risk. So let's get out and face it
Commitment - To get whatever you want - do whatever it takes
Effort - Embrace change. Unless you change how you are, you'll always have what you've got. For things to get better, we have to get better. Today will be much like yesterday unless we put in that effort. Losing hurts, but it hurts even more when you realize that you haven't done your best.
Persistence - For every outstanding achievement, persistence is a common ingredient.
Ask - Getting what you want is having the conviction that you are worth it. One of the best ways to develop your sense of worth is to ASK
Reasons or results - You have but one life to lead. Don't bring your reasons of not doing it to grave

Learning from nature
Children - spend time with children. Learn more about laughter, spontaneity, curiosity, acceptance, resilience, trust, determination and your imagination. They are there to teach us
Keep moving - Happiness and fulfillment in activity. Get involved !
Use it or lose it - Law of use is wonderful, it gives us incentive to practice. Unless we use it, we may not be keeping it
Flow - Go with the flow. Take time off and relax
Release - To create healthy flow, learn to let go things you don't want, won't use and don't need.
How much do we understand - We don't understand everything. If we sometime accept and use what we have, we do ourselves enormous favour. Let's go after the results.

Some points that touch me a lot
1. Law of attraction - This book have a lot of it ! Sometimes I didn't know why when people worry about something and then it'll happen. It's because your mind had sent out the signal and attract those events to you. I'm more careful not to send out those negative energy out
2. Money mindset - When you think about how your parents/friends tell you that money is evil or money don't grow on trees whatever, you associated it with the wrong perception. Instead, think of abundance and think of when you're rich, you can help more people
3. Forgiving others - Sometimes when you forgive your enemy or your foe etc, your life can go on much easier going forward. It's just like driving your car w/o pressing the brake all the time
4. When confront fear, fear disappear - Fear acronym is called false evidence appearing real. Therefore when confront it, it's not as fearful as it be. Take public speaking for example. I used to fear it a lot until I took my Toastmaster program. It's not as hard as we see from outside
5. Affirmations - Another Self Help Guru Anthony Robbins help reminds me of this point. It's another kind of mental exercise in helping you to achieve the goal that you wanted.
6. Effort - There ain't no free lunch. I always remember this chinese saying "In the stage of 3 minutes, there lies the effort of 10 years". All the foundation will help you in your future
7. Use it or lose it - Our mind is very fair, when we use less of something, we will forget it... so simple and yet so powerful. Have to constantly remind our mind often.

The book should have more of
1. Pages are just too few ! Perhaps it's preparing for more of other title.
2. List of action steps you can take that make it easy for people to master that point

Conclusion
Today is important - NOW is the time to start doing !

Based on the year it was published, there's a lot of idea and views on self help that I've found similar on other similar genre of books. I would say if I only found this book much earlier (I encountered the book before during my secondary school days but I didn't get the courage to buy it), my life would have changed a lot for the better. There's never too late to do something in the world of motivation. The author have few other books namely Happiness Now and Making Friends. Look it out in the bookstore...

Overall the book deserved a 8.5 in the list of self help book. Good for reading for all teenagers to adult.

Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Albom

Hi,

Since my last book on secrets to know before you die and the last lecture, I would like to share with you one more title that talk about the same topic as well. The book was written based on the account between Mitch (a previous student of Morrie) and Dr Morrie who diagnosed with ALS at the age of 67. Mitch discovered his lecturer disease while watching the Nightline show. To cut the story short, he managed to get in touch with Morrie on his final months and make amends with his brother who long had resentment.

What comes next was a series of interview with Morrie every Tuesday on various topic about life. Prior to his discourse with Morrie, his life of running a rat race in reporting and having to juggle between his family was taking his toll about view of life. Come to think of it, we do suffer burnout if we burn both side of the candle at the same time. At least that's happening to me at some point of my life. We all are a creature of habit. As an analogy, we are just like a frog put inside a pot of water. The pot was heat up until the frog was cooked alive unaware of the surroundings. Same as life, we slowly add on additional responsibility in our career, in a family, relationship, finance, community etc. We need to find a balance out of this or we'll be too.

Here are some of the important lessons that comes out from the conversation with Morrie and my view on it. Got this from here
1. “Accept what you are able to do and what you are not able to do.” (p. 18) - Know your strength and weaknesses. That reminds me of Marcus Buckingham on NOW, discover your strengths. The world now value someone who can do excellent work on specific stuff than mediocre work on all the stuff.
2. “Accept the past as past, without denying it or discarding it.” (p. 18) - We have our memory, it's how our life story are made of. It's neither +ve nor -ve
3. “Learn to forgive yourself and to forgive others.” (p. 18) - It's been mentioned in many motivational books. We can move ahead further/better without resentment.
4. “Don’t assume that it is too late to get involved.” (p. 18) - It's never too late
5. Find someone to share your heart, give to your community, be at peace with
yourself, try to be as human as you can be. (p. 34) - Contribute back to society instead of keeping it to yourself...
6. “Love always wins.” (p. 40)
7. “The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it.” (p. 42) - Have your own opinion. Don't be afraid in voicing out if that doesn't fit.
8. “So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.” (p. 43) - That reminds me of a good quote from Dr. Mark Albion that in a rat race, if you win it, you still a rat.
9. “ . . . if you really want it, then you’ll make your dream happen.” (p. 47) - Don't forget about your dream remember Dr. Randy Pausch
10. “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” (p. 52) - That's so deep. We sometime not able to do it rationally :)
11. “Love is the only rational act.” (p. 52)
12. “I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all . . . . It’s horrible to watch my body slowly wilt away to nothing. But it’s also wonderful because of all the time I get to say goodbye.” (p. 57) - That's so strong and brutal fact from someone is dying
13. “Sometimes you can’t believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel.” (p. 61) - Follow your heart. As you hear from Star Wars movie - Use your force
14. “What if today were my last day on earth?” (p. 64) - Such a powerful tips. Time is the essence.
15. “Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” (p. 82) - Another metaphor for me I guess is once you learn to let go, you know how to receive
16. If you accept you are going to die at any time, then you might not be as ambitious as you are. (p. 83) - The feeling of surrender to norm when going get tough.
17. There is no foundation, no secure ground, upon which people may stand today if it isn’t the family. (p. 91) - That's so Confucius....
18. “Don’t cling to things, because everything is impermanent.” (p. 103) - That's so Buddhist like statement
19. “ . . . If you’ve found meaning in your life you don’t want to go back. You want to go forward. You want to see more, do more. You can’t wait until sixty-five.” (p. 118) - Live a wonderful life and you'll not regret any of it.
20. “Money is not a substitute for tenderness, and power is not a substitute for tenderness.” (p. 125)
21. “ . . . love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.” (p. 133)
22. “Love each other or perish.” (p. 149)
23. “ . . . the big things—how we think, what we value—those you must choose yourself. You can’t let anyone--or any society—determine those for you.” (p. 155) - Another reinforcement from Morrie on own decision/judgement
24. “Don’t let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” (p. 162) - Find balance on things that you do.
25. “Be compassionate. And take responsibility for each other. If we only learned those lessons, this world would be so much better a place.” (p. 163) - Another Buddhist like philosophy.
26. “Forgive yourself before you die. Then forgive others.” (p. 164) - Another point on forgiveness.
27. “As long as we can love each other, and remember the feeling of love we had, we can die without ever really going away. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on—in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here.” (p. 174) - Feeling that's created will always be there and will never be destroyed.
28. “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” (p. 174)
29. The important questions have to do with love, responsibility, spirituality, awareness. (p. 175) - Those intangible feeling are what thats matter.
30. “You’re not a wave, you are part of the ocean.” (p. 180)
31. “ . . . there is no such thing as ‘too late’ in life.” (p. 190)

I'm giving a 9 out of 10 due to the content the book I have on my life after reading it. I hope you feel the same too. His idea on love, forgiveness, hope/dreams and having own judgment is very touching and personal. The book was initially published in 1997. Some may think it's dated but it's still a gem till now. There's even a movie adaptation to the show as well. Another Morrie Schwartz - Lessons on Living video was available online too. We surely learn something new and remember it's never too late...

Youtube video on Tuesdays with Morrie
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
End

I hope someone can share how this book impacted your life and hopefully we can come out better out of it.

The five secrets you must discover before you die - John Izzo

Somehow, I attracted to living and dying books since I've get to read Tuesday with Morrie's from Mitch Albom (The book I'll review one day in the future) I bought this book during the last book fair.

The book attract me because of the title (Who says you can't attract people to buy it with the title book cover) This 163 pages book was a result from an interview of over 200 peoples with age over 60-106 years. You might find strange why 60 ? Because according to the author, there's a big difference between result of the interview. I guess people over 60 reflect their live much better and seems wiser

Here are the 5 secrets and it's action you can take to achieve that.
1. Be true to your self
- Did this day/week feel like my kind of day/week ? What would make tomorrow or next week feel more true
- Was I the kind of person I want to be this week ? In what way do I want to be more like the kind of person I want to be tomorrow or next week ?
- Am I following my heart right now ? What would it mean for me to really follow my heart right now ?
- How do I want to live this secret more deeply next week ?


2. Leave no regrets
- Did I act out of fear today or this week ? How do I want to be more courageous tomorrow or next week ?
- Did I act on my convictions this week ? How do I want to act on them more deeply this week ?
- What step would I take in my life right now if I were acting with courage, not fear ? What might I do differently right now if I were living from the perspective of an old person on the porch looking back at my life ?
- How am I responding to the setbacks in my life right now ? Am I stepping forward or retreating ?

3. Become love
- Did I make room for friends, family and relationships today/this week ? Did I allow things to be more important than people ?
- Was I kind and loving today/this week to the people closest to me ? How do I want to be more loving to them tomorrow or this week ?
- Did I spread love and kindness in the world today/this week in each interaction ? Did I act as if each stranger was someone for whom I could make a difference ?
- Which of my wolves did I feed today/this week ? Did I spend time with people who lift my spirit ? Did I act with love toward my self today/this week ? Did I engage in negative self talk/self hypnosis ? Am I planting flowers or weeds in my self conscious mind ?

4. Live the moment
- Did I fully enjoy whatever I was doing this day or week ? Was I really 'here' or just merely show up ?
- Did I take every pleasure that was available to me today/this week, and did I walk with awareness through my life or just run ?
- What am I grateful for about today/this week ? Did I find myself saying 'I would be happy if ...' ? Did I choose contentment and happiness this week ?
- Did I live in the present today/this week ? or did I let tomorrow or yesterday steal the day's happiness ?

5. Give more than you take
- Did I make the world a better place this week in some small way ?
- Did I remind myself this week that I am making a difference even if I don't see it ?
- Was I kind, generous, and giving this week ? How do I want to be more that way tomorrow/next week ?
- Was I focused on the needs of the 'small self' this week (the pursuit of things, status or power) rather than the 'larger self' (which is my contribution to making the world around me a better place) ?
- How do I want to live this secret more deeply next week ?

How to put into practice
- learning by watching, listening and experimenting
- learn naturally by watching, imitating and by experimenting
- be aware and experiment - we become what we pay attention to. The more we hold something in our awareness, the more likely we are to move toward that thing
- do reflection on your life every week on the things

Preparing to die
- Happy people are not afraid to die
- The biggest fear at the end of life is that you did not do everything you could have done, that you have never really lived. If we want to prepare to die, we must choose to live fully so that we leave no regrets
- To die well is not to complain, to continue to have a good spirit and let those who are still living know that it is ok it is part of life. This is the last gift we give. The last direct influence you can have is how you die.

How to go from there - it's never too late
- Timing is important
- When we judge our life we diminish ourselves. The more we can eliminate all need to compare, compete, grade and judge our lives, the closer we get to wisdom
- The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, but the second best time is today - Chinese proverb
- Stop judging the life you have lived and get on with the life you still may live. Whatever mistakes you have made and no matter how many regrets may litter your your past, plant a new tree (change from now on) today. Begin to live the secrets now or simply live them more deeply.

Questions used for this interview
1. Describe the life you have lived thus far
2. What has brought you the greatest sense of meaning and purpose in life ? Why does it matter that you were alive ?
3. What brought you/brings you the most happiness in life the greatest joy moment to moment ?
4. Tell me about a few of the major crossroads moments in your life, times when you went in one direction or another and it made a large difference in terms of how your life turned out ?
5. What is the best advice you ever got from someone else about life ? Did you take that advice? How have you used it during your life ?
6. What do you wish you had learned sooner ? If you could go back to when you were a young adult and have a conversation with yourself and you knew you would listen, what would you tell that younger person about life ?
7. What is the role that spirituality has played in your life ?
8. What is the greatest fear at the end of life ?
9. Now that you are older, how do you feel about your mortality/death ? Not death in the abstract but your death ? Are you afraid of dying ?
10. What role have spirituality and religion played in your life ? What have you concluded about 'god' ?
11. Fill in this sentence, I wish I had...
12. Now that you have lived most of your life, what are you certain or almost certain matters a great deal if a person wants to find happiness and live a fulfilling life ?
13. Now that you have lived most of your life, what are you certain or almost certain does not matter very much in finding a happy life ? What do you wish you had paid less attention to ?
14. If you could give only one sentence of advice to those younger than you on finding a happy and meaning life, what one sentence would you pass on ?


All in all, the book deserve a 8 out of 10. The book is a bit too short for such a great title on life. If they can compile more information from wise man around the world, that would make the title more interesting.